Random things among other things at an early 2 am.

This has been ongoing for the last 3.5 years.

After getting my babies down for a good night’s sleep, I sit and start thinking. I think about all the bad things that is in this world. All the bad things that social media glorifies and encourages. I mean, it’s everywhere. Bad, horrible, terrible, unimaginable, disgusting news. Turn on the tv, log in to Facebook, The radio, The news paper….it’s nothing but fear.

I am absolutely terrified for my children to have to grow up in such a world.

Lack of respect for authority. No fear of God, Parents, Police, Teachers finding out the things they do that are wrong. It’s terrifying.

Growing up, I knew when I upset my father. I tried so hard not to make him upset, because I didn’t like to hear him upset. However, I was a child and I was a rebel. I rebelled against my God and parents ALL.THE.TIME.

That being said, if I were ever caught, I complied. If I was told to stop. I stopped. If I were pulled over and told “STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE!” I stayed in my vehicle! I’ve had a police officer pull his gun on me, rightfully so. I was in the backseat of a car with a bag of weed between my legs and we were driving through private roads. I don’t know how I got out of that one. I have driven drunk so many times and only God knows how I made it home. Seriously, only God.

I have only God to thank for getting me through some of the hardest times of my life. Even when I doubted Him, He still protected me. I have so much to be grateful for and now more than ever is not the time to start becoming overwhelmed by fear to doubt Him. I need to TRUST in HIM. I need to put all my worries and fears on HIM.

This mother right here, may never sleep again. I may pray every minute, EVERY second of the day. I am willing to do that for my Children, because they’re worth the sleepless nights that I so wish I could sleep.

I wonder what life would be like without such scary things. I wonder what life would be like without the fear of someone kicking in your door.

I have moments where I’ll be sitting on the floor and fear that something is going to fall out of the sky and slam down on to our house.

I have moments where I fear that a car is going to lose control and slam into our house and squishing my children.

I have moments where I fear that I’m going to be carjacked and that I wouldn’t be able to get all three kids out of the car and I start hyperventilating right then and there.

I have moments where I fear that the house is going to catch fire and I wouldn’t be able to get to my kids.

I want my children to sleep in my room, in my bed for as long as they want to.

I want them to feel safe and secure throughout every day of their lives.

I want to protect them from everything. I don’t care what people say about me sheltering them. THEY HAVE LIVES!!!

People judge people so much for homeschooling their children. What is truly wrong with homeschooling?! I’d rather give my children my undivided attention and teach them myself how to be respectful, caring, loving. I want them to be confident in their walk with God. Only I can teach them that. Why put their lives in the hands of someone I barely know and I’m suppose to “Trust” them to take care of them when I’m not there?! Yes, God will protect my children and I will continue to pray over their lives, but for real people….it’s not up to someone else to teach my children how to be law abiding citizens…its my job! I am their mother!

I’m out.

until next time…

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