UGH…. Done.

Yesterday was a very interesting day. There was a debate on a close friend’s Facebook page, regarding “50 Shades of Grey”. She posted about how corrupted the book series (now movie) is, and how it goes deeper than the eye can see. I absolutely 100% agree with her. While others might argue that it’s “just a book” or “just a fictional movie”.

The truth?

I have been with a real life Christian Grey. Full of Lust. Full of violent sexual encounters, which left bruises beyond bruises (That was encouraged). Yes the encounters were consensual, but now that I am grown and know better(by the Grace of God), HOW IS A BRUISE A SIGN OF LOVE?!

It is often said that wives must submit to their husbands. While my husband is a blessing and never once has ever disrespected me, He would never make me do things against my will. He has never tried to control me or take over me. He’s gentle, caring, and damn good looking! I think a better way of saying “wives must submit to their husbands” should be, “Wives, if your husband is a gentleman, he respects you and treat you like his queen, then respect him and treat him like your king.”

I’m no saint, I’ve done things that I shouldn’t have done. Said things that I shouldn’t have said. However, I will not read any book about any “shades of grey”.

It’s a sad world that woman have to watch a movie or read a book to get turned on and have “GREAT SEX” with their spouse, boyfriend…random stranger. I use to be like that.

Here’s a list of things I’ve heard…starting at the age of 7:

“Let me do something to you that my sister taught me” (seriously, this phrase still haunts me. I WAS 7!)
“I just want someone I can be boys with and hook up with every now and then” (the old dumb me fell for that line a few times)
“No one has to know” (scary)
“Can I at least finish” (First time and I was terrified)

There’s more, but I just don’t get why women think being tied up and strangled is “healthy” and “ok” during sex?

I love romance. I love romance where two individuals love each other and care for one another, I love the passion between them. I love the respect they give each other and the desire in their eyes.

“That’s all a fantasy, real once-in-a-lifetime-happy-ever-after stories never happen”

Then no one has ever known someone or has been in that kind of love.

Time to show our children that old timers kind of love and respect. I can’t imagine my grandparents being ok with this type of book series (now movie), being out for all to enjoy. I am actually shocked by the way my own mother is a fan of these books.

It’s a form of pornography, pornography is a huge form of human trafficking…don’t believe me?

until next time…


Random things among other things at an early 2 am.

This has been ongoing for the last 3.5 years.

After getting my babies down for a good night’s sleep, I sit and start thinking. I think about all the bad things that is in this world. All the bad things that social media glorifies and encourages. I mean, it’s everywhere. Bad, horrible, terrible, unimaginable, disgusting news. Turn on the tv, log in to Facebook, The radio, The news paper….it’s nothing but fear.

I am absolutely terrified for my children to have to grow up in such a world.

Lack of respect for authority. No fear of God, Parents, Police, Teachers finding out the things they do that are wrong. It’s terrifying.

Growing up, I knew when I upset my father. I tried so hard not to make him upset, because I didn’t like to hear him upset. However, I was a child and I was a rebel. I rebelled against my God and parents ALL.THE.TIME.

That being said, if I were ever caught, I complied. If I was told to stop. I stopped. If I were pulled over and told “STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE!” I stayed in my vehicle! I’ve had a police officer pull his gun on me, rightfully so. I was in the backseat of a car with a bag of weed between my legs and we were driving through private roads. I don’t know how I got out of that one. I have driven drunk so many times and only God knows how I made it home. Seriously, only God.

I have only God to thank for getting me through some of the hardest times of my life. Even when I doubted Him, He still protected me. I have so much to be grateful for and now more than ever is not the time to start becoming overwhelmed by fear to doubt Him. I need to TRUST in HIM. I need to put all my worries and fears on HIM.

This mother right here, may never sleep again. I may pray every minute, EVERY second of the day. I am willing to do that for my Children, because they’re worth the sleepless nights that I so wish I could sleep.

I wonder what life would be like without such scary things. I wonder what life would be like without the fear of someone kicking in your door.

I have moments where I’ll be sitting on the floor and fear that something is going to fall out of the sky and slam down on to our house.

I have moments where I fear that a car is going to lose control and slam into our house and squishing my children.

I have moments where I fear that I’m going to be carjacked and that I wouldn’t be able to get all three kids out of the car and I start hyperventilating right then and there.

I have moments where I fear that the house is going to catch fire and I wouldn’t be able to get to my kids.

I want my children to sleep in my room, in my bed for as long as they want to.

I want them to feel safe and secure throughout every day of their lives.

I want to protect them from everything. I don’t care what people say about me sheltering them. THEY HAVE LIVES!!!

People judge people so much for homeschooling their children. What is truly wrong with homeschooling?! I’d rather give my children my undivided attention and teach them myself how to be respectful, caring, loving. I want them to be confident in their walk with God. Only I can teach them that. Why put their lives in the hands of someone I barely know and I’m suppose to “Trust” them to take care of them when I’m not there?! Yes, God will protect my children and I will continue to pray over their lives, but for real people….it’s not up to someone else to teach my children how to be law abiding citizens…its my job! I am their mother!

I’m out.

until next time…

My kids are My kind of Normal.

It just occurred to me that so many kids that are hyper or ones that can’t sit still for longer than 5-10 minutes are considered “not normal” or they have “ADHD” or whatever.

Here’s what I have to say to those parents who are told these things on a regular basis and/or at every parent  teacher conference:

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with YOUR child!

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been on this mission to reprogram my children. I admit, I use to turn the tv on first thing in the morning. It kept them quiet while I made breakfast. Then I would yell, “Breakfast is ready!!” twenty times until one actually heard me and they all came marching into the kitchen to sit down and eat, only to finish and be back in front of the tv.

I started to become very frustrated with my three year old. I would yell at him, I would threaten to spank him (though we rarely do, it doesn’t work anyway), and I would say “FINE, I’m giving your food to the dogs”. It became repetitive and I became mad at myself. I was so angry at myself because I knew that I created this behavior. I let them walk all over me because I didn’t set up boundaries and/or rules. I cleaned up after them and let them do whatever they wanted to do because I had “better things to do” (like stalk people on facebook). UGH total mom fail.

I hated who I was starting to become. SO, it started with me. I deleted the app for Facebook on my phone. If I want to check it, I would have to go through the internet. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I took instagram off my phone as well (although it is back on there, only because I have a lot of pictures that I just had to share of my adorable kids). Even then, I still don’t check it nearly as often. I had to reprogram myself first.

Then, one day while the kids and I just finished eating, I had asked my son to come back into the kitchen and clean his mess. He looked at me and said, “NO. I am watching TV. YOU clean it up!”


I went over to the TV, turned it off, unplugged it, and picked that bad boy up. I felt like such a bad ass. I told my son, “No more TV!” and carried it into my room and locked the door. Now, I knew that there was going to be a melt down, so I prepared myself for that. By preparing, I kept telling myself, “He’s only three, it’s going to hurt, but he’ll get over it quickly”.

Then, I introduced the sticker chart. On this sticker chart he has 4 tasks and 5 chances: Listening, Helping, Picking up toys, and Being nice. Once he fills the sticker chart up (however long it takes) then he can watch TV, but if he messes up and loses a sticker, the TV goes off again. I have to admit, I didn’t miss the TV being on the first week. It was so nice. I even made a sticker chart for my 2 year old daughters, they love it and they also are learning quite quickly- Momma doesn’t mess around.

Here’s what has been happening since I started this sticker chart:

  • My son asks me “Is that on my sticker chart?” (of course it is…especially if it’s something like vacuuming)
  • All 3 of my kids take their plates, bowls, sippy cups…etc. to the sink when they’re finished. (this has been great at eliminating the spoiled milk sippy cups under my couch!)
  • When we go to a friends house my son asks me “Momma, is it ok if I watch TV?” (Of course I say yes, I’m not that mean! But what I love about this, he’s learning to Respect me.)
  • They get excited and I get to tell them how proud of them I am, which I think is building their confidence!
  • They’re starting to use their manners and I couldn’t be happier!
  • I spend quality time with them and we play A LOT. We have a ton of dance parties!

Even though my kids are little, its not an excuse for them, They are more than capable to put their dirty plates in the sink, help vacuum the couch, wash the windows (with a little help from mommy) and much more. I am not going to tell them “No, you can’t help me make breakfast, lunch, or dinner” because they’re too small. They want to help, I’m gonna let them help! I also am not making them do every single one of my chores. That will happen when they’re older…wink, wink.

I’ve been feeling better about myself. Though, I will admit that I catch myself every now and then on my phone and I put it down immediately, but it’s good because I’m still training my old brain to do new tricks.

I am not saying I am right and I’m definitely not saying that I am perfect, but I am saying that your kids are the way they are because you are the way you are. If you’re an active person and always have to be doing something, i.e. cleaning, walking, running, working out, etc. and your kids are doing the same thing on a different level (being a kid) then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them. They need to do something to stay out of trouble, so give them something to do! If your the type of person who likes to sit and watch TV, eat junk, sleep a lot and so does your kids, but you’re not liking that, Then change yourself first before trying to change your kids.

I want my kids to have fun and enjoy life. I want them to be loving, caring, and respectful. So, I’m going to have good ol’ clean fun, I’m going to enjoy life and I’m going to try my hardest to be loving, caring, and respectful. It’s true, they’re always watching us.

Until next time…

I’m definitely going to miss this…

Lately I’ve been catching myself gazing at my children. I watch my son sit on the floor crossed legged and playing with his figurines, Spider-Man is always kicking over Iron Man or his army guys… he will entertain himself for over an hour, making boy noises, saying things like “I’m gonna get you….vroooooom…. spooosh…wack!”  It is so cute. I can’t stand it. I want to video tape him and play it over and over and over. His imagination is so awesome, I am so amazed by him. I love the way he plays xbox kinect, he only gets to play the sports games, even the boxing is too violent for me I think, but he LOVES to play the football game. I love watching his stubby little legs pretend to kick that football or soccer ball. I love how excited he gets when he gets a touch down or scores a goal. The cute little way his kicks up his heels, ugh it’s so fricken cute!

I find myself watching my daughter E when she eats. She’s so darling, the way she uses her fork and tries so hard to fit everything on that tiny little fork into her tiny little mouth. The way she eats a cookie, gives another meaning to sweet. Tender little bites and she chews like she’s enjoying every last crumb. The way she says “sister” is adorable it’s more like “tit-er”  AHH she’s so cute! She tells on her brother or sister for shutting a door on her, she’ll say, “brudder shut ed da door!”  oh my precious little E… *sigh*

I can’t help but look at my other daughter C with such heart warming feelings. She’s so tender and sweet (when she wants to be) I love the way she says with her little head tilted to the side and in a soft little voice she says, “momma, cuddle”. I love the way she runs to get her brother or sister their stuffed animal or baby doll. If my son is asleep she’ll rub his head and go get him a blanket, she’s so nurturing and lovely. She’s spunky, she loves to dance, and enjoys to “shake it off” which worries her daddy and I, she’s a little to young to be shaking that THANG of hers! 🙂

My kids are so tiny now, I know they’re going to grow up so fast and that is the most terrifying thing ever! I look at their pictures from the moments they were born, to when we brought them home, until now. It’s such a whirlwind and I don’t know where the time has gone. I miss those days already, heck I miss 3 hours ago when they were wide eyed and rambunctious!

I’m really going to miss all of this, every day, every minute. Lets not rush our children, let us watch them slllooowllly blossom.

Salt in my coffee…

A while back while browsing Pinterest, I ended up coming across some website, about something about coffee, about something that coffee is good for, about something to add to coffee, about salt in coffee and it being quite delightful.

Well, I don’t know exactly where I started with that pin, but I ended up quite intrigued.

My great uncle passed not too long ago. He was a very sweet soul. My dad called him Uncle Clunk Clunk, because he had a car that would make that noise, so of course that was his nick name and how I knew him growing up. My dad had  a lot of names for him, “My Rich Uncle”, “Slick”, “Uncle Slickers”…. I am sure there is more, but it’s 6 am and I just had one cup of coffee.

While at the luncheon after Uncle Clunks funeral, I mentioned this “salt in coffee” to my aunt, uncle, dad and cousins. They all looked at me strangely, except my uncle that is. In fact he said, “You know what? I remember my mom and dad putting a raw egg in with the coffee grounds with a sprinkle of salt”. Of course he had no idea what it was for and why they did that. We pondered over the idea…. maybe they did that to kill two birds with one stone? They liked poached eggs? Maybe, they just liked the taste of egg in their coffee??

Now even more intrigued.

It took me a few days to even remember to Google, “Raw Egg in Coffee Grounds”. After I remembered to do so, I was surprised to what my research led me to… I found this to be interesting, “The idea is that the egg clarifies the coffee, creating a perfect separation between the grounds and the water used to extract them.”  You can find out more here.

I was super excited, but I have yet to try this. Maybe one day I’ll get adventurous and do it. Until then, I like my eggs based with water or scrambled. However, I did try the salt in the coffee grounds this morning and found it to really be quite delightful! It took that bitterness flavor away (another trick is to add cinnamon instead of salt).

If you have any other suggestions for improving the taste of coffee, please feel free to comment below:

I want to bottle this up…

I don’t ever want to forget the cute little giggles, the dimples, the kissable cheeks, the squeals, the way he says, “momma” the way they say, “no” and stomp their foot. I don’t want to forget how adorably cute they are right now. I don’t want to forget the look in their eyes when they’re getting into something they’re not suppose to. I don’t ever want to forget the way they say “Momma, snuggle” or “Momma, I hold jew” …. I want to bottle up these little moments and replay them over and over and over again. Why is it so hard to accept that they’re one day going to be my age and I’ll be as old as my parents?  I want my babies to slow down, but I also want them to be little and grow..

I was cleaning up the mess in my son’s room, toys that once were in pristine condition. They were once organized and all of the puzzle pieces were together. Ahhh, it was so beautiful at one time….when they were right of the box. He received mini stick hockey nets for his birthday, now it’s just plastic piping and a net in the corner all balled up. The microphone that he use to sing “let it go” every day for at least a week is now just a microphone, without the stand. His tool bench with all the tools and the annoying plastic screws that go along with it, is strewn about his floor (there’s probably some still under his dresser, but I wasn’t that ambitious to get it all cleaned up tonight). A MESS, A PIG STY… it was horrendous. What was once beautiful was now ruined, lost, misplaced, gone forever.

Then, I saw something that was beyond beautiful, Army guys trapped in a web, plastic tubing that was used as a sword, screws that were placed in the pretend engine (a little out of place and definitely not in properly)… what I realized is the imagination that my son has. Something that I cannot teach him, most days he’s either the Incredible Hulk or a Ninja Turtle. He’s jumping and flying off of my couch, he’s picking up his Star Wars figurines and making boy noises. He’s playing football and tackling his imaginary friends. He’s creating a space full of adventure and entertainment. He’s being a little kid. Have I failed at teaching him to properly care for his things? Perhaps. Have I failed at teaching him to put back one toy before taking out the next? Definitely. I just think that I can teach him little by little, but I definitely do not want to take away his imagination. So what if his hockey nets are in pieces because he figured out how to take it apart? He learned something, how to take it apart! So what if his microphone stand is in pieces? He uses those pieces as multiple swords to fight off the bad guys. SO what if I cleaned up his mess? He’s only little for so long.

This goes for my girls too. I am amazed by how tender CC is with her dollies and stuffed animals. She holds them and “feeds” them and kisses them. So motherly. Evie, she’s so feisty and some days she’s taking her brother’s cars and making them go “vroom vroom” down the hallway. Their imaginations are just beginning and I do not want to stop them. I let my girls play in the dirt, because thats exactly what I did. I let them pick up rocks and throw them, because why not? They’re exploring and feeling different textures. Not to mention that the nutrients in the dirt is probably helping boost their immune systems.

“Let your kids PLAY. Turn off the tv. Put down your phone. Take mental pictures and PLAY with your kids.”

This is something I have to keep reminding myself, daily.

Until next time…

Finding beauty through pimples…

I have recently had a hormonal break out on my face. Ok, maybe it is from stress… well anyway, I have this huge, massive, ginormous pimple on my cheek. I ended up popping it, because I could no longer take the gross white head that was surfacing. I ended up having to put a bandaid on top of it, because it was so yucky and I made up some honey with clove, allspice, cinnamon, and nutmeg to place on top of it to dry it up.

My sweet little innocent 3 year old said, “Momma, what is that on your face?”

I replied, “Oh, it’s a pimple. One day you’ll get them too…”

AND THEN my mother chimed in:

“Hopefully you don’t, pimples are ugly. Nana gets them still”

Thanks mom. Thank you for teaching my son that pimples are ugly. UGH.

So quickly, I had to cover up her mistake (The one she clearly had no idea of it being a mistake, because by my standards and upbringing of my child, we do not use the words: Ugly, Stupid, Hate)

(Looking very softly into my sons eyes) “Sweetie, pimples aren’t ugly. It doesn’t make a person ugly. Pimples are pimples, everyone gets them and they eventually go away. People are still beautiful even with pimples, don’t ever forget that!”

I had such a complex growing up. I had a lot of blackheads on my nose, since the age of 4. YES, 4. Guess who use to draw them out and squeeze the living day lights out of my poor little (big) nose… my mother. I had pimples on my forehead for God knows how long throughout middle school and high school. I washed my face all the time and still broke out. I felt so ugly. It took me 10 years until I realized that I was so worried about my appearance, because my mom made me feel that way.

I love you, mom… this isn’t an attack on you. Because you probably didn’t know you were doing it and because it’s just probably something that you went through too….

Anyway, I want to teach my children that we all aren’t perfect. We all have blemishes, whether they are visible or unseen (within ourselves). I want them to accept someone and picture that person as a beautiful person that God created. God created them and that’s why they’re so beautiful. I want my children to look beyond pimples and surfaces…I want them to look deeper. Deeper within themselves and others. I don’t want them to one day wake up, look in the mirror and ball their eyes out because they have so many pimples on their face. I want them to know that their skin isn’t what beauty is, it’s much deeper.

After all, beauty is only skin deep.